It all started when I ate mummy dogs that I made for the kids. I don’t like hot dogs, never have. To me they taste like that feeling you get when you eat too much crap… but they taste like that from first bite.
But I’m on a diet and didn’t have anything prepped (cardinal rule, food prep when you’re trying to eat healthy!) and so my hangry self grabbed a mummy dog.
I immediately felt disgusting and ate a handful of candy because I hate myself.
Then something clicked in the universe and all hell broke loose.
Max came into the kitchen and wanted to make the pumpkin cookies I had promised we would make after school today – ok fine, cool let’s do that!
So I’m readying the kitchen and of course he’s pushing around his stepstool following me so closely I bang into it at least 3 times #smallkitchenproblems. Then we’re making the batter and my beater got stuck on my kitchen aid. Absolutely cannot get it off. Max decides since I can’t hand it to him to lick that he will essentially make out with it while his head is upside down while it is still attached to the machine. Super.
So he is having trouble getting as much batter as he’d like off of it at this point so as I’m putting the first batch of cookies in the oven he grabs the scoop out of the batter to eat and takes a big bite and of course I’m yelling at him to stop it so my kid with a head cold drops it BACK into the bowl and dumps over a bin of sugar onto my kitchen floor in the process.
Screaming obscenities now. Owen wants to know what all the hullabaloo is about so he saunters into the kitchen, and climbs up on the stool and gets into EVERYTHING while I’m getting the vacuum to start dealing with the sugar situation.
When I saw everything, I mean he grabbed a bunch of very ripe bananas and smushed them, wiped them on the counter, then threw the remnants on the floor. Then he dumped pumpkin pie spices on them.
For those of you asking … WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THIS IS HAPPENING??
I can tell you, GETTING THE VACUUM. They work *That* fast.
I shooed them outside so I could clean up/cry in peace and came out to see what was happening and so that I could take a breath and write this blog.
Max turned on the hose into a non grassy area and created a giant mud pit which they’re currently splashing in and fighting over who gets to hold the hose. Apparently he was trying to make the world’s largest water balloon with a wubble ball. Also it was a “water fountain” because he likes catching diseases.
I’m letting it happen so I can write this.
I’ll leave you with a picture of these delightful cookies to look at as I ask you to ponder where the best place to get a vasectomy is.
