Do you ever feel so beat down that your soul feels numb?
Like everything you’re doing is failing and the little things that normally aren’t a big deal just start to needle you one by one until you’re nothing left but a broken down pincushion.
Let me back this up by saying that the positive, upbeat, get up when you’re knocked down girl you know and love is still in here. Likely I’ll be back to her after a few minutes of quiet and peace – but I have my days too. What bothers most people doesn’t bother me. I have an extremely high tolerance for dirt, messes, shenanigans, and kid trouble.
What turns me into a shell of myself? Crying, whining, and fighting. I can only handle so much of it per day until I stop caring about life. That’s me already this morning pre 7 am. For the last few weeks the kids have been getting up earlier than normal (5ish am, sometimes before) – and they’re the worst versions of themselves because they’re sleep deprived. Before 7 am I’ve already dealt with so much screaming, crying, and fighting that I’m done, I’m mentally checked out… and school hasn’t even started yet for the day.
This morning culminated in Max scratching me because his nails are way too long, throwing a tantrum when I told him I was clipping them NOW, and then while I was doing that, Owen picked up his intricately built lego truck, threw it on the floor and it of course broke into hundreds of pieces. Max reacted as any kid would if his brother did something like that but unfortunately for everyone, his face was right up against mine because I was cutting his nails. He screamed “you’re bad!” RIGHT in my face. He screamed it so in my face that half of my face was wet with spit. He spit in my eye. IN MY EYE.
That sent me over the edge.
I have an entire house to clean (I have company coming over in a couple hours), I have a massive amount of work to do for my job, the laundry pile is reminiscent of Everest, the bills need to be paid yesterday, and my dogs are whining at me for attention.
But I need some time for myself first. The little one isn’t in school, he’s still here. But suddenly when his brother is gone, he becomes easier to manage. It’s something about the two of them together that sets the scene for a gladiator arena and all it entails.
So I am sitting at my laptop, and feeling myself mellowing with every letter as it appears on the screen, pausing to breath deeply, take sips of coffee, and listening to Owen playing quietly in the background with his brother’s toys.
When your world crashes, take a minute for yourself. Everyone will be better off for it. You will be a better parent, a better employee, a better partner, and a better version of yourself.
For those of you who don’t know how you’re going to get through the day? I’m right there with you sister, you’re not alone, you’re never alone <3
Picture of one of yesterday’s shenanigans because it makes me smile 🙂
