Do you ever feel like you’re spinning out of control?
You don’t know how to find yourself out of the vortex of self doubt, shame, and defeat you currently feel and how to move forward – is there even a forward for me? Is it just going to be more of the same but with failure of something else?
Facebook is tricky. It makes us feel like everyone has it together except for us. I mean, not EVERYONE… there are people eating Tide pods… but I digress.
We see Dana being successful with her new promotion, Becky’s kids have coordinating outfits on in their new family photos where everyone is looking at the camera and smiling and OMG HOW CAN ANYONE AFFORD THOSE ?!? Lisa just bought a beautiful new house and I AM LIVING IN A HOVEL and Amanda bakes cookies with her kids every Thursday and I never even opened the tube I bought to make in NOVEMBER! Brooke is going on ANOTHER vacation?? I haven’t been on a vacation in 6 years!
Or some version of this. It looks like everyone has everything, and they’re fulfilled and stepford level happy.
I mean, I know I would like to eat perfectly clean, run 6 miles every day, always be on top of my 3 jobs, take the kids to a resort every 6 months, and while we’re at it spend meaningful time playing with them every day. Always have my house in tip top shape, be perfectly in tune with my husband, cook healthy and balanced meals every night that the kids will eat, not be buried in thousands and thousands of dollars in debt plus savings in the bank, etc etc.
NO ONE HAS ALL OF THESE THINGS. Most of us have one or two of them, NO ONE HAS THEM ALL.
I mean, it looks like they do, but I know NO ONE who can check off every single one of those boxes. If that’s you, girlfriend you must not sleep. Also TEACH ME YOUR WAYS!
My point here is that even those of us who look like we have it together, don’t.
I say this because I recently had someone that I greatly admire (and I totally think SHE has it all figured out!) tell me that she admires me and thinks that I have it all together.
That couldn’t be further from the truth.
I woke up this morning, automatically depressed because I got 5 hours of sleep. For some people, 5 hours cuts it. My husband is one of them – he can function well on VERY little sleep. Me? If I get less than 8 hours I start my day feeling depressed and beaten before I’m even out of bed. The problem – I NEVER get 8 hours of sleep because I have a mental condition which makes me work until the house is clean and I’m not allowed to sit down until it is which means I fall into bed at 1am without having sat down and relaxed most nights.
I checked my phone first thing – which I clearly shouldn’t do, if I was a better and stronger person, I would get up, get Max off to school, cook breakfast full of vegetables and quinoa for myself and Owen before I even LOOK at my messages and notifications. But I checked my phone – aannddd there is an overdraft alert, Thanks BMO Harris! Love you! Also Amazon prime you can go straight to the fiery pits of hell.
I dragged Max off the couch and away from the ipad (which he finds no matter where I hide it overnight) to do the homework I forgot about yesterday. He complains, we get it finished, off to school.
I sigh and think about what I want to do next. OH there’s Owen awake and crying! Here’s a waffle kid because I don’t love you enough to make you a nutritious breakfast and while we’re at it watch a tv show that will rot your brain so that I can sit and make my to do list for the day.
Shit. There is A LOT on my to do list. Why do I run 3 businesses again? Oh yeah the crippling debt, there it is.
Here kid, have some blueberries that I forgot to wash after I brought them home from the store so now you’re going to be radioactive in addition to malnourished.
NOTHING GOOD HAPPENS BEFORE 8AM. I repeat NOTHING good EVER happens before 8AM!
At this point as I feel less tired I am feeling a little less depressed and also I actually drank a nutritious shake for breakfast so WINNING and that totally negates the wine I drank while I ate frozen pizza last night. Yep. That’s how that works. Science.
But now I’m writing and soon will be climbing the Everest that is my to do list, complete with the tasks that are frozen from the ascent that I realistically will never do, but will haunt me anyway the entire way up as I stare at them and wonder why I even bother.
Remember when I said that NO ONE has it all figured out? It’s true.
Go easier on yourself. Think you suck at parenting? You likely don’t.
Think you don’t play with your kids enough because you’re stuck at work all day and then have mountains of housework to do when you get home? I would bet any amount of money those kids have a blast all day long with whoever is watching them and they love and cherish the one on one time they do get with you. It’s meaningful time and not filled with moments you’re just trying to “fill” so the day goes faster.
A work at home parent that feels like you are constantly busy but still somehow never accomplish anything? I have NO idea what that must be like! cough cough. Not talking about myself…
No one person has it all. Not one of us. And it’s ok. It’s what makes us beautiful – our weaknesses as well as our strengths. Our triumphs and our failures. Next time you start thinking about the million things you are doing wrong, think about one thing you are doing right. Likely you will have a lot to choose from. I may be a mentally absent parent who works too hard and still has little to show for it… or do I? I have two beautiful healthy boys who laugh A LOT. I have a cozy home that keeps us safe and warm. I have dogs that make me feel loved and remind me of how easy it is to be happy. A world class awesome husband, and jobs that put food on the table. Sure I’d like to do some of them more and one of them not at all – but they’re there. When so many can’t find one at all, I have 3 that I can run from home. How awesome is that?
I see you fellow hot mess, and I bet you have more going right in your life than you think.
Gotta go, Owen is spazzing out because of the cruel limit I placed on gummy fiber vitamins. I’m a monster.