Month: August 2018

It all started when I ate mummy dogs that I made for the kids. I don’t like hot dogs, never have. To me they taste like that feeling you get when you eat too much crap… but they taste like that from first bite.

But I’m on a diet and didn’t have anything prepped (cardinal rule, food prep when you’re trying to eat healthy!) and so my hangry self grabbed a mummy dog.

I immediately felt disgusting and ate a handful of candy because I hate myself.

Then something clicked in the universe and all hell broke loose.

Max came into the kitchen and wanted to make the pumpkin cookies I had promised we would make after school today – ok fine, cool let’s do that!

So I’m readying the kitchen and of course he’s pushing around his stepstool following me so closely I bang into it at least 3 times #smallkitchenproblems. Then we’re making the batter and my beater got stuck on my kitchen aid. Absolutely cannot get it off. Max decides since I can’t hand it to him to lick that he will essentially make out with it while his head is upside down while it is still attached to the machine. Super.

So he is having trouble getting as much batter as he’d like off of it at this point so as I’m putting the first batch of cookies in the oven he grabs the scoop out of the batter to eat and takes a big bite and of course I’m yelling at him to stop it so my kid with a head cold drops it BACK into the bowl and dumps over a bin of sugar onto my kitchen floor in the process.

Screaming obscenities now. Owen wants to know what all the hullabaloo is about so he saunters into the kitchen, and climbs up on the stool and gets into EVERYTHING while I’m getting the vacuum to start dealing with the sugar situation.

When I saw everything, I mean he grabbed a bunch of very ripe bananas and smushed them, wiped them on the counter, then threw the remnants on the floor. Then he dumped pumpkin pie spices on them.

For those of you asking … WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THIS IS HAPPENING??

I can tell you, GETTING THE VACUUM. They work *That* fast.

I shooed them outside so I could clean up/cry in peace and came out to see what was happening and so that I could take a breath and write this blog.

Max turned on the hose into a non grassy area and created a giant mud pit which they’re currently splashing in and fighting over who gets to hold the hose. Apparently he was trying to make the world’s largest water balloon with a wubble ball. Also it was a “water fountain” because he likes catching diseases.

I’m letting it happen so I can write this.

I’ll leave you with a picture of these delightful cookies to look at as I ask you to ponder where the best place to get a vasectomy is.

 

You guys, I get ONE magazine in the mail a month. Real Simple. I have always loved it because almost everything in it speaks to me in some way and I love putting my feet up and reading it with no interruptions and a glass of coffee or wine depending on the time of day.

I still have not gotten through JUNE’S. July & August are still sitting on my patio table in front of me as I write this.

Which leads me to ask myself, why do I have such a hard time doing “nothing” or relaxing?

At least that’s what I think. Then I delve a little deeper into when I feel most content, or relaxed – and the answer isn’t sitting and reading or watching tv – it’s when I’m writing, when I’m leisurely cleaning and then sit down for 5 minutes and take in the organization and prettiness around me. I’m writing this now on my back patio, listening to the birds, the hum of the crickets, watching the mist float through the air on this foggy morning – and looking over at my lovely coffee cup and thinking about what the first sip will feel like.

In short – this IS my relaxation.

When I can do something that clears my mind and allows me to take in what surrounds me – I feel calm, centered, and grateful.

Yet I struggle with this because most people do not relax this way. My husband constantly tries to get me to sit down and he worries that I work too hard. But I am beginning to realize that calm or relaxed work IS the thing that rejuvenates and energizes me. Nothing with a deadline or that HAS to be done now… but things I can take my time with and that the outcome of has no real consequences to anyone. These are the activities that I truly look forward to.

A more common example of this is my weight and body image. Most of the time when I picture myself in my head, I’m probably about a size 8 and look curvy but good! I eat clean (most of the time), I exercise most days of the week, and I practice healthy living as much as possible. Yet when I glance myself in the mirror and see my actual size 12 ass, that “C section” pouch that I will NEVER get rid of without cosmetic surgical intervention, and how just generally “round” I look – I immediately feel unsettled. I feel like people will see me and discredit me, that they’ll assume I’m unintelligent, undisciplined, and lazy. I project these thoughts onto myself because they are things that I value in myself and others. If I can’t keep myself to a “normal” weight, I must not be any of these things that I value so deeply.

Now do I think this when I look at others? Of course not!! I see their beauty, their happiness, their personality, and the vibe that trails them as they move around the room.

So why do I assume others will think any less of me when I am otherwise confident, positive, and happy to be alive?

I am challenging myself to throw away the thoughts that you are not doing “life” the right way. That if you feel healthy then that means you must also be skinny or you are automatically a failure. That because you can’t sit down and do nothing that there is something wrong with you. If the way you unplug and recharge is by binge watching tv that there is something wrong with that either!

We are all SO different and comparison robs us of being content with who we are, with accepting and loving ourselves for the things that make us unique rather than in spite of.

If I feel like the best version of myself after writing this blog instead of reading a magazine, I am ok with that. If what I see in the mirror doesn’t match the image of myself in my head, that I’m going to shut down the critic and be happy with how I look because how I FEEL is so much more important.

I challenge you to do the same. It’s time to accept, love, and celebrate who you are. Happiness is a state of mind, and it’s worth fighting for.