You guys, I get ONE magazine in the mail a month. Real Simple. I have always loved it because almost everything in it speaks to me in some way and I love putting my feet up and reading it with no interruptions and a glass of coffee or wine depending on the time of day.
I still have not gotten through JUNE’S. July & August are still sitting on my patio table in front of me as I write this.
Which leads me to ask myself, why do I have such a hard time doing “nothing” or relaxing?
At least that’s what I think. Then I delve a little deeper into when I feel most content, or relaxed – and the answer isn’t sitting and reading or watching tv – it’s when I’m writing, when I’m leisurely cleaning and then sit down for 5 minutes and take in the organization and prettiness around me. I’m writing this now on my back patio, listening to the birds, the hum of the crickets, watching the mist float through the air on this foggy morning – and looking over at my lovely coffee cup and thinking about what the first sip will feel like.
In short – this IS my relaxation.
When I can do something that clears my mind and allows me to take in what surrounds me – I feel calm, centered, and grateful.
Yet I struggle with this because most people do not relax this way. My husband constantly tries to get me to sit down and he worries that I work too hard. But I am beginning to realize that calm or relaxed work IS the thing that rejuvenates and energizes me. Nothing with a deadline or that HAS to be done now… but things I can take my time with and that the outcome of has no real consequences to anyone. These are the activities that I truly look forward to.
A more common example of this is my weight and body image. Most of the time when I picture myself in my head, I’m probably about a size 8 and look curvy but good! I eat clean (most of the time), I exercise most days of the week, and I practice healthy living as much as possible. Yet when I glance myself in the mirror and see my actual size 12 ass, that “C section” pouch that I will NEVER get rid of without cosmetic surgical intervention, and how just generally “round” I look – I immediately feel unsettled. I feel like people will see me and discredit me, that they’ll assume I’m unintelligent, undisciplined, and lazy. I project these thoughts onto myself because they are things that I value in myself and others. If I can’t keep myself to a “normal” weight, I must not be any of these things that I value so deeply.
Now do I think this when I look at others? Of course not!! I see their beauty, their happiness, their personality, and the vibe that trails them as they move around the room.
So why do I assume others will think any less of me when I am otherwise confident, positive, and happy to be alive?
I am challenging myself to throw away the thoughts that you are not doing “life” the right way. That if you feel healthy then that means you must also be skinny or you are automatically a failure. That because you can’t sit down and do nothing that there is something wrong with you. If the way you unplug and recharge is by binge watching tv that there is something wrong with that either!
We are all SO different and comparison robs us of being content with who we are, with accepting and loving ourselves for the things that make us unique rather than in spite of.
If I feel like the best version of myself after writing this blog instead of reading a magazine, I am ok with that. If what I see in the mirror doesn’t match the image of myself in my head, that I’m going to shut down the critic and be happy with how I look because how I FEEL is so much more important.
I challenge you to do the same. It’s time to accept, love, and celebrate who you are. Happiness is a state of mind, and it’s worth fighting for.